How to meet girls and keep them interested in you

I received a great question from one of the guys in my personal coaching rpgram. His goal is to meet women, and he did so last week but isn’t sure how to get a second date or gauge her interest in him.

I thought the email exchange here would really help you with some of the same questions  and my client was more than happy to share it, so I decided to put it up here. Take what you can from it—if it helps out with anything you’re going through, rock on!

JT,

I really can’t say enough about how much help your site and book (Magnetic Profiles) has been. Although I may not be getting the 3 or 4 dates a week, I followed the advice from your book and your site, and found myself on a date with a girl I’m very interested in last week. I have a feeling it went pretty well, but it is hard to judge how she felt about it. Although she thanked me for a good night, and we talked about the possibility of seeing each other again, she works an inconsistent schedule as an event planner for a hotel in Boston, so it’s unclear when the next time she’ll be free will be. I have a good feeling about this girl, and would hate to miss out on a good thing. Do you have any advice on how to get a second date, especially when there’s a possibility that we might not have the opportunity to meet up again for a while?

Thanks for the help,
Daniel

Hey Daniel,

Event planners are kind of bother to date at the beginning just because their schedules are so crazy and it’s a high stress job. Lots of random late nights and no consistency to their schedules. You gotta expect things to go a bit slow at the beginning. But  Man, I’m stoked that you’ve gotten out there to meet girls!!

The good thing is that if this girl is seeing you, she most likely doesn’t have the time to see anyone else.

But… yes, I have some ideas on how to get a second date when you can’t see the girl often. I’ve heard it said that you don’t fall in love with someone when you’re with them, that people fall in love when they’re NOT together. The premise is that when you’re thinking about someone when they aren’t around, you feel like you’re falling for them. I don’t totally buy that, but the premise is sound… you want her thinking about you when you’re not around.

That said, in this situation, with this girl, it presents a few extra challenges. One, since she is in such a high-stress, mentally exhausting job, it doesn’t give her much time to think about YOU, and you want her thinking about you.

The other problem is that early in the relationship, you want this girl to associate good thoughts with you when she thinks of you. And if you call or text her at the wrong time, it can make you seem like a bother rather than an escape. And in my experience with women in high stress jobs like surgeons, pediatricians, lawyers, and just about any woman in a mid-level job, you want to her to associate you with ESCAPE.

So, given those 2 primary things, you want to call or text when she is done with her day, relaxing, letting go. Later on when you have her hooked, your text in the middle of the day when she’s stressed out to the gills will bring her that release that you’ve created by being the person she totally lets go with.

Here’s how I handle this situation. Although quite honestly, I don’t find myself in this kind of situation often because I always, always, always bring a physical element into the first date and at least kiss, usually more when I meet girls. So I KNOW their level of interest and don’t have to guess. You having to guess makes things harder.

Regardless, your main goal is to convey a combination of attraction based partly on my raw, physical lust for her coupled with a fascination for her mind and soul.

If the date was highly sexual, you’ll talk/text about how attracted you were to the internal her, with a small amount of time on the sexual stuff. If the date was mostly talk, start out talking/texting about something non-sexual and tell her how hot that made you and how you just wanted to/wish you had just taken her right there.

For example, if things got highly sexual the first date, I will start out with a text the same day or the next with something like “Good morning. Can’t get you out of my head since you left. What have you done to me? Love the way you think, and what you do to me.”

When she replies, I get a lot more sexual than that in my next message. Like “I can’t wait to taste your p***y again” or “Can’t wait to f**k your tight little p***y again.” But at the beginning I never send a text like this until after I acknowledge something about how much I like her mind/intelligence/sense of humor/drive/passion… whatever non-sexual thing that I figured out she is proud of herself for.

If things DON’T get very sexual, or if I go to kiss her and she shuts me down, then I use a different tactic. I’ll still tell her that I’ve been thinking about her, think she is attractive for something other than her looks, and tell her she turns me on…but I won’t overdo it.

Here’s what I mean: You want to think about the highest level of emotion bonding, commitment, investment, or whatever you want to call it that SHE had on your date and then take a small step DOWN from that level emotional level and pick things up from there. Then QUICKLY escalate to a bit OVER her level of emotion if she responds well.

Usually you don’t want to appear like you like her more than she likes you. If you think she likes you OR if you think she’s not sure if she likes you or not, then going OVER her level of emotion is a good thing, it makes things safe for her to show her true feelings. That is a guy’s job in my opinion, to read his girl and escalate just a tiny bit more than HER present level of emotional commitment to make it safe for her to follow you there.

The biggest problem comes in reading her signals and deciding how interested she is in you. Like I said, I almost always have a damn good idea because I tell them how fascinating they are to gauge if she tells me the same… so I know where I stand with her. And I always put a move on for the same reason. In your case, this is going to be trickier since it’s all a little gray for you.

But… I have an answer for you, FINALLY…

No matter what, you always assume she is interested in you. Always. You assume she likes you, or that she will grow to love you once she gets to know you better.

You don’t get all cocky about stuff, you still start your conversation a bit below her emotional highest level of emotional commitment, but if she responds well, you can crank it up a little at a time.

Since you have no idea at all where she stands, I’d start with something like:
“Hey Molly. I was just thinking about you! Brought a big smile to my face.”

Then when she responds, tell her you want to talk to her when she has down-time. You want to call when she is relaxed, not stressed from her job.

When you call, keep it fun and upbeat and flatter her. Let her know you’ve been thinking about her and that you think she’s a great person. Set up a firm date if you can, tell her a fun story, and get off the phone.

Regardless if you make a date with her on that call or not, the next day or the day after that, send her a text that says you’re excited to see her again and for some reason you can’t seem to get her off your mind…like this:
“I don’t know what the deal is, but I can’t get you off my mind and looking forward to seeing you again. You put a spell on me or something?”

Then if you didn’t make a date with her on the phone, tell her you want to get together and that you’ll call her.

Now, if she is totally not interested, she’s going to be gone after this. If she likes you at all, she should see you again. If so, make a move.

The idea is to find out where she stands, and if she’s on the fence, to get her off of it. Yes’s and no’s are good. Maybe’s are time wasters.

And even if she’s not interested now, you just wait 4 or 5 weeks and send her a text or call her to tell her that you thought about her when such-and-such came up today and ask how she’s doing.

I put these kinds of girls on a 4-8 week rotation of contact to see where they stand at that time. I almost always end up getting them.

I hope this helps. If you have any more questions, shoot me an email! And great job being out in the game meeting new women!

Later—JT