How to talk to girls—ditching the 10 point system

A lot of guys, the ones in the pickup community in particular, are obsessed with the 10-point system. No, not the method of scoring boxing matches, but the method of measuring a woman’s attractiveness. You know—is she an 8? A 6? 9? Maybe a 7.5? When considering how to talk to girls, you hear talk about this a lot when you listen in on conversations guys have, especially when no women are around.

I’m here to put in my two cents on the whole 10-point system. I think it’s a little outdated and silly. It’s really only a way for a guy to inflate his ego or compete with his buddies. “I hooked up with a 9 last night…how did it go with that 7 you’ve been talking to?” Or, “man, that chick last night was a 10…I’m the f*%$@#n man!!”

There’s nothing wrong with that, and having a discussion about a woman’s beauty can be pretty entertaining. But it’s as if guys these days think that the 10-scale really holds weight. But how can it? Beauty is in the eye of the beholder, and what I think is an 8 may be a 4 to you, or maybe a 12.5! It’s totally subjective, and really doesn’t mean a thing. I happen to really like white, tall, thin, dark haired women with small boobs. My buddy likes voluptuous Latina’s almost exclusively. So when I bring home a “9”, he can admit that she’s attractive—but she doesn’t trip his trigger at all. There’s nothing wrong with that, it just is what it is. And the stinking number system shouldn’t influence how you talk to girls that you’re interested in.

The point system is used by a lot of guys for bragging rights, and it does simplify things to some extent. If my buddy tells me that he hooked up with a short, thick big breasted Peruvian girl last night with a huge ass, I’m gonna be happy for him, but not really that impressed. But since I already have in my mind a picture of my ideal girl, if he tells me he hooked up with an 8, I’m going to associate that with what I consider an 8 and be a bit more envious. And that was the reason for telling me in the first place!

There are a couple of reasons that you should get the point system out of your mind. The first, like I mentioned before, is because it’s totally, 100% arbitrary and subjective. There is no way to define what a real 10 is for two different people.

Another is that it objectifies women, and that’s something I’m not into. I am not monogamous, not even close. But that doesn’t mean that I don’t have deep, meaningful relationships with the women I’m with. They all know up front what the deal is, and they’re good with that. I love women. I mean really, really love women. So for them to be turned into objects doesn’t sit well with me. One night stands are fine (actually, really fun), but not if you promise her you’re going to marry her to get her in bed and then bounce out in the morning never to be heard from again.

The point scale can also start to make you feel stressed out, inadequate or inferior. If you’re focused on a girls “number”, then you overlook a lot of great things that actually make her really attractive. Just going by an imaginary number system can make you too locked in on looks alone, which can turn into a hunger that’s hard to satisfy.

Going back to the fact that the system is totally arbitrary, it’s even true within your OWN assessment of women. How hot a girl is has a lot to do with the context you meet her in and the reaction she has toward you. If you’re in a club full of beautiful women, everyone’s number is a little skewed due to the heavy supply side of the equation.

If you work with a bunch of middle-aged fat guys and a cute girl gets hired…well, her number just shot up about 3 points. If you’re riding on the subway and the girl sitting across from you stops to check you out and smiles at you…well, her number just shot up too. On the contrary, if a super hot girl at the club shoots you down horribly and has a terrible attitude, all of a sudden she goes from a 9 to a 6.5. Funny how that works, isn’t it?

Maybe the biggest reason to avoid this system is that it doesn’t make one iota of difference in relation to your interaction with a girl you’re interested in. Most women, especially beautiful women, have some sort of complex that doesn’t allow them to think they’re as hot as they are. Their nose is too big, ass isn’t big enough, nipples point away from each other, toes are hairy, something is so bad that the whole world simply has to notice it and think she’s ugly.

Therefore, basing your game on the assumption that good looking girls are harder to get doesn’t have any basis in reality. That 9.5 that you want to approach may see herself as a 5, so why would there be a different game for her than any other girl? She would have to tell you her own number for that rule to apply! And on the other hand, some 5’s see themselves as 8’s, so having the idea that girls farther down on the scale are easier is not any more beneficial.

How a woman reacts to you has a lot more to do with YOU than with HER. If you hit the basic attraction triggers that we talk so much about, and give the impression that you’re out of her league—not the other way around—then you’re going to have a way better chance of picking her up, regardless of what number you’ve assigned to her. Assigning her a high number in your mind is going to influence your behavior negatively, and puts the power in her hands.

Bottom line: don’t get hooked on the number system. If you think a girl is attractive, go for it. If it turns out to be not what you expected…dump it. Don’t stick with a woman because you think she has a good “number”, but is a freaking emotional train wreck. Date women who fulfill your wants and needs, not some artificial dumbass male bragging rights scale, and you’ll be infinitely happier.

Check out these posts for more information on meeting and talking to girls.