How to attract women who are out of your league
Let’s talk a little bit about something that a lot of guys have questions about: dating out of your league. There’s some great information on this topic by a guy named Mark Manson. I’ve always liked what he has to say, so I wanted to break down some of his ideas on this subject.
The idea is that the “pick-up” game is designed to use lines, techniques and emotional states to date out of your league—which for our intent and purpose means a woman who is much more attractive than you. Let’s take a look at some of the stuff Mark has to say.
Well, I’ve got some good news and some bad news. The bad news is that it’s impossible to ever date someone “out of your league.” But the good news is that your league is determined by a number of variables.
In fact, in my last post I cited an anthropological study that found that women found unattractive doctors to be just as datable as very attractive school teachers. The conclusion (and consensus among those who study this stuff) is that social status and power can compensate for physical looks.
He goes on to talk about how “game” is supposed to neutralize that and create a short-term perception that a guy is higher status than he really is. And he asserts that women can smell that a mile away, are not fooled by it; that “game” just guys a sort of placebo to facilitate them meeting women in their own league—they just think they’re out of their league.
I agree with this to some extent. Game really doesn’t serve a purpose for anyone looking for a long term relationship, since the feelings are temporary and the façade won’t hold up for long.
But…I do know it’s possible to date women out of your league. Heck, I’ve been doing it for 25 years!! It doesn’t always turn into a LTR, but it certainly does work. We’ll talk more about that later, but first let’s take a look at some more good stuff Mark has to say.
My contention is that it’s impossible to date someone out of your league. Whomever you end up dating, you end up dating them because you perceive each other to be similarly attractive. It’s got to be AT LEAST an even trade, if not both people having the perception to be trading up. How can BOTH people be trading up? By valuing different traits in one another. She values your intelligence and compassion, you value her looks and sensitivity. She values your strength and direction, you value her emotional passion and support.
The trade-off can be superficial as well: looks, money, free meals, making an ex jealous, etc.
The point is, even if you’re not good-looking, you have to bring something else to the table. If you’re not good-looking and don’t have a nice job or money, then you need to be able to bring even MORE to the table. She’s got to be buying what you’re selling. It might be similar hobbies, similar friends, drug hook-ups, knowing how to dance tango really well, being fluent in her native language, etc.
OK, so I have to look past the fact that he states that you can’t date women out of your league. I once had a 13 year monogamous relationship with a six-foot actress who was WAAAYYY too hot for me. But the important concept he covers here is that you have to bring something other than looks to the table, and if you’re not good looking, you need to bring even more. Well, “more” might not be the right word. “Different” may be a little more appropriate. Look at this here and then we’ll get into it a little more:
Humans judge each others’ attractiveness through a myriad of factors, but ultimately all of those factors come down to one thing: “what does he/she do for me?” It sounds cold and heartless, but it’s true… and it’s actually not always heartless either.
So you may see a hot girl with an uglier guy. Is she out of his league? No. He may have money. He may not. He may make her feel more confident and support her in her weakest moments. He may share the same passions and hobbies as her. His emotional make-up may match perfectly with hers.
This is why I harp on emotional connections so often. Everyone values feeling like they’re understood, like someone really gets them. Everyone values a good listener and someone who makes them feel more confident. Other than looks, emotional connection is the one universal attractor. And it’s something anyone can learn to do. It’s the only universal way I know of that can compensate for a lack of looks or power. You may be uglier than most guys she meets, and you may not be rich or powerful, but holy shit you get her, you make her feel understood, you’re confident enough to lead her and remain powerful and in control in her presence. These qualities trump most others when a woman meets a guy.
Ha! Here we get more into the heart of the matter. This is why I like Mark’s stuff so much. He gets the emotional connection aspect. That is a huge key to your success when attracting women out of your league. You need to bring something to the table that she’s looking for, or that she’s lacking in her life. Whatever it is in her that you consider out of your league, you need to compensate for.
For instance, out of the women I’ve dated, three stand out as an example of this. Two were lawyers and one was a pediatric surgeon. What did I bring to the table at the time (while I was living in my friends garage)? Passion for a dream and goals for the future. That was an escape for these women, and gave them an idea that I wasn’t always going to be a broke mofo living in a garage. For grins and giggles, the first two pics on this post are of that exact garage. None of those women gave a crap that I lived that way, nor did it stop them from finding me sexually attractive.
What you have to do in order to attract and date women out of your league is to give them something that she needs. You need to fill an emotional void in her life. Now, the hard part is being able to figure that out. You kind of have to be an amateur psychologist to do it, but learning the skill will revolutionize your dating experiences.
Most women have pretty common emotional needs that you can fill. Some need a father figure, someone who takes control. Others need a man who gives her permission to do the things she wants to do—things society says not to, like going back to school or quitting her corporate job to become a social worker. Sometimes women just need someone who can absolve them of their past mistakes, things they’re ashamed of or regret.
Once you figure out what type of woman you’re dealing with, you make the necessary emotional connection by caring about them. Genuinely caring about them and accepting them unconditionally. That means that youactually have to be OK with whatever she’s ashamed of. If she wants to forgo having children in order to further her career, but you think a woman’s place is in the home raising kids…then it ain’t gonna work Bubba! But if you can accept the fact that she’s a strong woman who doesn’t necessarily need a man in her life to be successful, then she’s going to embrace you with open arms.
What you need to do is identify the void that the woman you want has in her life, and be there to fill it. Not in a deceptive, creepy way, but out of genuine care and respect.
For more information about learning how to determine what kind of woman you’re dealing with, I highly recommend picking up a copy of “The Art of Seduction” by Robert Greene. It’s the best resource I’ve ever found for doing this and it’s worth every penny.
For more information on attracting women, check out some other posts that will help you out. And to take a look at the great products I’ve put together to get you the results you want with girls, click here!
