Dating Social Anxiety–How to deal with social anxiety while meeting women
Social anxiety might actually be overstating things a bit here. For sure, a lot of people get nervous when put into situations that put them on the spot (giving a speech in class, going somewhere new where you don’t know anyone, being on stage, etc.), but some people have a debilitating fear that keeps them from interacting in social situations.
I have the feeling that most of us out there don’t actually suffer from clinical “social anxiety”, but that is the best term I can think of to describe the fear a lot of guys feel when out there trying to meet women. So, save the emails and nasty comments and just let me run with this one here. You’ll be glad you did. Actually, let’s call it “dating social anxiety” and go from there. Or we could call it social phobia dating, social anxiety disorder dating…whatever you choose to call it really doesn’t matter. If you suffer from it, you know it!! And it sure makes it hard to walk up to girls and talk to them, doesn’t it!
You see, even your buddy JT has had to overcome his dating social anxiety. Some guys just exude confidence naturally—I hate those guys—but the rest of us mere mortals need to work a bit at it. Granted, after working on it long enough you look back and realize—hey, I AM confident!!! That’s where I want to get you: past your dating social anxiety and into the arms of the woman of your dreams.
The fact is, it’s hard walking up to a girl or group of girls you’re interested in and opening them. I get that. Been there, got the T-shirt. It’s hard to go to a club where you feel out of place and outclassed but still try to look like you’re the life of the party. But we have to get our heads right and get into the mindset that says, “You know what, I don’t care if I fail at this. Actually, I hope I fail so I can learn from it and be better next time!”
Combating negative thoughts is your first line of defense against dating social anxiety, and it’s the technique I’m going to focus on here.
You may find yourself thinking negatively when you’re about to engage in a social situation, saying to yourself, “I’m going to look stupid if I go up to that girl”, “there’s no way she’s gonna give me her number”, “as soon as I get there I’m going to freeze up and forget what I was going to say”, or “that girl is way too hot for me, I don’t have a chance.”
If that happens to you, a great way to get past it is to analyze the negative questions and challenge them. “If I do end up looking stupid, does it really matter? Will I ever even see her again?” “If she doesn’t give me her number, who cares. There are 20 other hot girls in this place that I can go for if this one turns out to be a flop.” “So, worst case is I get up there and forget what I’m going to say…well, I can just turn around and walk away in that case.” Or maybe, “wow, that girl really is too hot for me. Might as well give it a shot because there’s nothing to lose!”
Analyzing and challenging the negative thoughts goes a long way to reducing them to the ridiculous.
Here are 4 types of thinking that you may recognize, as laid out by social anxiety site helpguide.org. See if any of them sound familiar…
- Mind reading – Assuming you know what other people are thinking, and that they see you in the same negative way that you see yourself.
- Fortune telling – Predicting the future, usually while assuming the worst will happen. You just “know” that things will go horribly, so you’re already anxious before you’re even in the situation.
- Catastrophizing – Blowing things out of proportion. If people notice that you’re nervous, it will be “awful,” “terrible,” or “disastrous.”
- Personalizing – Assuming that people are focusing on you in a negative way or that what’s going on with other people has to do with you.
The first step in battling dating social anxiety is realizing that there’s a problem in the first place. I know, pretty freakin cliché right? But it’s the truth! Battle your negative thoughts, challenge them, and get her number! Who cares if you strikeout, there’s more where she came from. And if she doesn’t give you her number…you’re better off because the dumb broad wasn’t smart enough to see the man of her dreams standing right in front of her!! And if she’s that dumb, who wants to be trapped with the idiot for the next 6 months while she figures it out?
Dating Social Anxiety–How to deal with social anxiety while meeting women
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